Divorce Letters

To my wife,

This Valentine's Day I want to let you know of my feelings of absolute hatred. The sight of you makes me ill...and I want a divorce. My lawyer will be contacting you.

Your soon-to-be ex-husband,

P.S. I want the dog

Dearest Scumbag,

It's my first Valentine's Day without you and I have to ask myself, "What took me so long?" I bought myself chocolates, got some beautiful flowers, redecorated the master bedroom in a jungle theme, and I'm having the best sex of my life. When I was stuck with you, I had no idea what I was missing. There's a whole world of excitement out here! I heard the new chick had twins. Bet you're busy! I don't envy you. But you'll be as free as me in 18 years! Enjoy!

Thanks for the freedom!

For Valentine's Day my husband/wife, I wanted to give you something really special, so I am giving you half. I want a divorce.

By the way, _________________,

Let this serve as warning. We're over, done, finito, the papers are on their way. This marriage has been the longest three months of my life. If we hadn't been separated for the past ten weeks, I never could have made it. I'm so lucky Mommy took me back. You can keep the gifts from your family, but I want the cash.

Adios!

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