Dear _________,

You are like no other. You are an angel sent to me from the heavens, pure poetry on this here earth. I have been skirting this topic for awhile, because okay, I have just been acting like a flat out coward, but...my cousin is going to be setting up a Starbucks in Timbuktu, and he has asked me to help him. You know how important family is to me, and I would just really hate to let the guy down, so I will be be gone for an indeterminable amount of time. I promise that I will contact you as soon as I get settled in.

Don't call me, I'll call you,

Dear a**hole,

I know I should feel bad sending you this letter, but let me tell you, it feels GREAT! I feel liberated! As if I've lost the sixty pounds I've gained since I started eating to help me forget about the misery of going out with you. Sure, you'll be sad without me, but I really don't care. I've had enough, and it's time to say goodbye. So...

Goodbye!

Dear unfaithful __________________,

Wow, we've had some fun, haven't we? I can't recall ever spending so many wonderful days with such a wonderful person doing so many wonderful things. But, let's face it, it's not the same. Ever since that little seven month affair you had, and then the four month fling, and the two week whirlwind romance and all the others I'm only learning about now, I've been feeling a little inhibited, like maybe I'm not good enough for you. So to keep you happy, to let you have the life you need to have, I'm going to let you go.

I know you still want me, but I know in an hour or two you'll get over it and turn to one of your many other lovers. I'll try to be strong without you. It's right for both of us, we just have to believe that.

This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.

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